My IPT doctor thinks that maybe the Gc MAF has finally kicked in, and I think that maybe the autohemologous injections are helping as well. I have started running again, although I am still having some chest pain during my runs, it seems to be residual from the damage that was done by the Doxyrubicin. I wish I had never taken that drug. I hope that someday with all the detox I am doing that the damage from the Doxy can be reversed.
I should be getting my PET scan either next week or the week after. I am a little nervous about the scan. The last time I had one I thought I was getting better, when I was actually getting worse. Although this time I can see how I was in denial before, am I in denial now? I really hope not. I don't think I can handle bad news. I really need this to be working. We have put so much time and energy into this treatment not to mention the huge amount of debt we have accrued in hopes that this treatment will work.
I long to have my life back. I wish we could go back to a world where cancer was not a part of our life. Unfortunately cancer has changed my life forever. The fear of cancer will always be in the backs of our minds, even if I beat it this time. How do you live life knowing the cancer might come back? Do you go back to school and finish your master's? Do you stay at home and try to enjoy every moment of life? Do you live in fear? Or are you fearless? I don't know where you go from here. I have so many books on cancer, but maybe what I really need is a book on how to live your life after cancer.